Ok, so I haven't written on this blog in a really long time . . . and there is no guarantee that I will keep up with it now . . . but here goes nothing.
So, since last I wrote, I have graduated from the University of Alabama, and am no longer a graduate student. I am a full-fledged PhD. A doctor . . . what does this mean? From my perspective, it means that I now have only one job. That's really nice. It's nice to have one place to go to work and come home. That's the simple explanation. The more convoluted explanation is that it is A LOT of work. Anyone who says, "wow, it must really be nice to make your own hours and have summers off . . . be glad you don't work in the REAL world", needs to be punched in the throat.
I have discovered that even though I am one full year out of graduate school, my graduate student mentality continues to persist. In faculty meetings, I give my opinions, often, but all too often they are presented in an apologetic tone. I speak kind of like I'm backing away from my words as I'm saying them. I act like the newbie. I act like the youngest person in the group. . . and, I am. However, it makes me wonder if I will ever shed my graduate student skin . . . and, do I need to? Is the only way to keep from becoming a PhDiva to keep some of that graduate school skin so as not to ascend to the top of Mount Academia? I'm not sure.
My first year has been eye opening . . . mostly in a good way. I LOVE teaching. LOVE IT. But, I always have. Becoming a PhD has not changed that aspect of my personality. I am most comfortable in front of a classroom interacting with my students. The faculty part of my job is less than thrilling. I find myself getting caught up in the detail of the day to day shit you have to do as a faculty member.
My job is split up into several different categories: Teaching, Service, and Research. The teaching part I've already discussed . . . I LOVE IT. The service piece is both departmental and community based. The departmental stuff I'm forced to do, and therefore, I get it done. The community stuff has proven a little more difficult as I'm in a new place and don't know anyone. i'm trying to get involved, but I'm not feeling terribly motivated. The research part is the real problem. I have no issue pitching proposals to conferences . . . it's kind of mine and Dr. L's thing. However, writing based on my dissertation or any other bits of interesting research seems to be an insurmountable task. I have sat down on several different occasions and attempted to write . . . not working. I'm even working on an easy article with two other faculty members . . . all I have to do is write a policy piece based on stuff I did in my dissertation . . . I wrote something . . . not very good . . . I knew that when I sent it, and, as I could have predicted, I got a response that said it wasn't enough. Even though I knew this was the response I was going to receive, it sent me spiraling into a mini-depression. Ughs. I don't know what is wrong with me. Why can't I write? Why don't I want to? My faculty mentor says I need to develop a strict writing schedule . . . not my forte. However, I will try this summer to start . . .
I'm kind of just rambling at this point. I hope I pick this up and continue to write . . . it helps to ramble . . .
Monday, May 31, 2010
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Trolling For Jobs
Hey Non-Divas,
So, today finds me trolling for jobs. As you read in my last post, I have been trolling for jobs for a hot minute. However, now, I am doing it from home. I have all of my shizz together. CV, check; Letters of Recommendation, check; Cover Letter, check; Teaching Evaluations, check; High Panic Level, check; High Level of Anxiety That They Are Gonna Figure Out That I'm Really a Phony and Tell Me That I Can't Get In The Club, check. See, I am armed with all of the requisite papers and emotions to hopefully complete the job of transitioning from being a graduate student to an Assistant Professor. There's just one thing . . . I still can't quite wrap my brain around the idea that someone is going to hire me to be faculty at a University. It kind of freaks me out. I mean, it's not that I don't think I can do the job. I love to teach. I can bullshit with the best of them. I'm good at the research that I do. It's just difficult for me to get a hold of the idea that this step, that I have been "preparing" for over the past eleventy years is now ready to be taken. What the hell?
I'm probably going to post more about my ideas about transitioning from one culture to the other. I'm very unclear on what is going to happen and how I am going to handle it and how I'm going to make my mother understand that moving across the country may very well be what is best for me. Yes, non-diva's, I am 36 years old and still dealing with this stuff. Does it ever stop?
I'll check back in later.
So, today finds me trolling for jobs. As you read in my last post, I have been trolling for jobs for a hot minute. However, now, I am doing it from home. I have all of my shizz together. CV, check; Letters of Recommendation, check; Cover Letter, check; Teaching Evaluations, check; High Panic Level, check; High Level of Anxiety That They Are Gonna Figure Out That I'm Really a Phony and Tell Me That I Can't Get In The Club, check. See, I am armed with all of the requisite papers and emotions to hopefully complete the job of transitioning from being a graduate student to an Assistant Professor. There's just one thing . . . I still can't quite wrap my brain around the idea that someone is going to hire me to be faculty at a University. It kind of freaks me out. I mean, it's not that I don't think I can do the job. I love to teach. I can bullshit with the best of them. I'm good at the research that I do. It's just difficult for me to get a hold of the idea that this step, that I have been "preparing" for over the past eleventy years is now ready to be taken. What the hell?
I'm probably going to post more about my ideas about transitioning from one culture to the other. I'm very unclear on what is going to happen and how I am going to handle it and how I'm going to make my mother understand that moving across the country may very well be what is best for me. Yes, non-diva's, I am 36 years old and still dealing with this stuff. Does it ever stop?
I'll check back in later.
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Home Sweet Home (at least for now!)
Arrived home early from the very large conference! Very tired, but it was quite productive overall :) I was just struck by the fact that this time next year...by the time J and I return from the very large conference - we will be EMPLOYED somewhere and living in a totally different place! Can you say real job again, and real salary and real benefits? That fact is frightening and exciting all at once.....I wish I had a crystal ball to see where it will be!
Friday, October 31, 2008
I See A Thousand Points of Disogranization
Hola Non-Divas,
Here I sit in the central sitting area of a conference hotel. I am attending one of the two big daddy national conferences in my field. I will affectionaltely refer to this conference as, "The National Conference of We Cannot Get Our Shit Together to Save Our Ever Loving Lives". Every year I come to this conference, and every year it never fails to amaze me that such a gigantic national conference that has been going on forever has yet to figure out how the hell to get organized and actually become user friendly. . . . or even user tolerant . . . or that there are actually users here . . . Anyway, I arrived yesterday on a jet plane filled with PhDivas and students from my University. They were all nice and cordial and here for themselves and for the most part not terribly interested in the student users who are coming here so that they can evenutally become frustrated faculty users. I shouldn't say all . . . their were certainly a couple of faculty members who went out of their way to tell me that they would help me in any way they could . . . Strangely, I have not heard from them today . . . I'm sure I will . . . right :)
Funny Story: I was standing next to one of the aforementioned faculty members at check in. He successfully checked in to his lovely suite [for which he will be fully reimbursed and I will not despite the fact that I also represent the University - my bitterness makes me digress]. Anyway, he got his room number, and then they turned to me. Apparently, they were still cleaning all of the other available rooms, so they put me on the top floor . . . the concierge floor . . . it was all they had available. The aforementioned prof was none too happy that I, the underling, was getting the royal treatment. Sometimes, karma is a bitch that I heart hardcore.
Back to the disorganized mess of a conference . . . I, and a few of my fellow students, are here to try and whore ourselves out for a job. However, when we got here, we were told that all mass job interviews were held from 12-5 . . . prior to our arrival. Now, there was no mention of said event in the conference schedule . . . and no one at the registration desk knew what we were talking about when we asked about it. Later, we found out that there were about 20 schools interviewing for positions, and, funny enough, very few people showed up . . . they were so confused. UGH! So, I decided that we needed to go sit somewhere, have a drink, allow ourselves a time of communion and bitterness, and then reformulate our plan of attack.
Post drinking and bitterness, we decdied to hit up the opening ceremonies and all of the many booths for all of the many universities that are representing hardcore at the conference. We rocked . . . I cannot even tell you . . . I currenlty have appointments/interviews with Rutgers, Boston College, Syracuse University, and Cal State Long Beach. I plan to hit them up hardcore again today before preparing for the reception hour tonight [read: very good time to talk to people as they are drinking and will be more receptive to the future faculty seduction that will ensue]. I will update tomorrow about the reception experience. Trust me, it will be a freaking hoot. I'm tickled about it.
Here I sit in the central sitting area of a conference hotel. I am attending one of the two big daddy national conferences in my field. I will affectionaltely refer to this conference as, "The National Conference of We Cannot Get Our Shit Together to Save Our Ever Loving Lives". Every year I come to this conference, and every year it never fails to amaze me that such a gigantic national conference that has been going on forever has yet to figure out how the hell to get organized and actually become user friendly. . . . or even user tolerant . . . or that there are actually users here . . . Anyway, I arrived yesterday on a jet plane filled with PhDivas and students from my University. They were all nice and cordial and here for themselves and for the most part not terribly interested in the student users who are coming here so that they can evenutally become frustrated faculty users. I shouldn't say all . . . their were certainly a couple of faculty members who went out of their way to tell me that they would help me in any way they could . . . Strangely, I have not heard from them today . . . I'm sure I will . . . right :)
Funny Story: I was standing next to one of the aforementioned faculty members at check in. He successfully checked in to his lovely suite [for which he will be fully reimbursed and I will not despite the fact that I also represent the University - my bitterness makes me digress]. Anyway, he got his room number, and then they turned to me. Apparently, they were still cleaning all of the other available rooms, so they put me on the top floor . . . the concierge floor . . . it was all they had available. The aforementioned prof was none too happy that I, the underling, was getting the royal treatment. Sometimes, karma is a bitch that I heart hardcore.
Back to the disorganized mess of a conference . . . I, and a few of my fellow students, are here to try and whore ourselves out for a job. However, when we got here, we were told that all mass job interviews were held from 12-5 . . . prior to our arrival. Now, there was no mention of said event in the conference schedule . . . and no one at the registration desk knew what we were talking about when we asked about it. Later, we found out that there were about 20 schools interviewing for positions, and, funny enough, very few people showed up . . . they were so confused. UGH! So, I decided that we needed to go sit somewhere, have a drink, allow ourselves a time of communion and bitterness, and then reformulate our plan of attack.
Post drinking and bitterness, we decdied to hit up the opening ceremonies and all of the many booths for all of the many universities that are representing hardcore at the conference. We rocked . . . I cannot even tell you . . . I currenlty have appointments/interviews with Rutgers, Boston College, Syracuse University, and Cal State Long Beach. I plan to hit them up hardcore again today before preparing for the reception hour tonight [read: very good time to talk to people as they are drinking and will be more receptive to the future faculty seduction that will ensue]. I will update tomorrow about the reception experience. Trust me, it will be a freaking hoot. I'm tickled about it.
Saturday, October 4, 2008
Trying to catch some of that inspiration!
Well, life has intervened in MUCH too large of a way for me lately - reminding me that while many things that I am doing are very important - none of it is of that much importance if you don't have your health, family and friends. There have been some very sad/stressful times over the late summer and early fall. So a much needed shout-out to K for being the wonderful partner, love and friend in my life, and to J my friend, colleague and partner in all of this PhD craziness. Thank you both!
My progress has been in tiny fits and starts - but I am guessing some progress is better than NO progress. I am following J's idea of working on regular work-a-day stuff weekly and then creating a 'retreat' of sorts on the weekend to work on my dissertation work. So far so good! Finishing corrections on Chapter Three, a draft of Chapter One is done, and outline of Chapter Two is in progress.
It is an interesting time of the year - in addition to the stress and (hopefully) joy of finishing this thing...we have been receiving the constant job announcements from every possible source! I do worry a bit about future employment - am I a good fit for any place out there? Are there going to be jobs that will be interesting and fulfilling? Are there jobs that will allow me to pay off this massive student loan debt and still pay bills? It has been a long time since I was 'just' working....what will that be like? Can I really afford to be thinking about this now? I probably HAVE to think about this now.....yikes!
My progress has been in tiny fits and starts - but I am guessing some progress is better than NO progress. I am following J's idea of working on regular work-a-day stuff weekly and then creating a 'retreat' of sorts on the weekend to work on my dissertation work. So far so good! Finishing corrections on Chapter Three, a draft of Chapter One is done, and outline of Chapter Two is in progress.
It is an interesting time of the year - in addition to the stress and (hopefully) joy of finishing this thing...we have been receiving the constant job announcements from every possible source! I do worry a bit about future employment - am I a good fit for any place out there? Are there going to be jobs that will be interesting and fulfilling? Are there jobs that will allow me to pay off this massive student loan debt and still pay bills? It has been a long time since I was 'just' working....what will that be like? Can I really afford to be thinking about this now? I probably HAVE to think about this now.....yikes!
Monday, August 25, 2008
A Quick Inspirational Post!
A very short post today to remind the world that the chair of my Dissertation Committee rules! As I slowly plod along, still trying to get this shizz done, I can always count on inspiration when I go into her office. I'm pretty sure she doesn't even realize what she does to energize me. It's just sitting in a room with her and talking about all kinds of academic things that reminds me why I am involved in this otherwise ridiculous process. I really want to get done if for no reason other than getting to walk on that stage and have her "hood" me . . . it always cracks me up to say that . . . it just sounds so cultish . . . Anyway, I am quickly blogging while she is out of the room, so I will end it for now. I may check in later to fill you guys in on other not so inspirational happenings.
Oh, and by the way, I have added a map and a live feed so that I can see where you all are coming from when you look at the blog . . . don't worry, no GPS included, We won't be able to locate your position when checking in . . . :)
Hope all is well with my fellow non-phdivas!
Oh, and by the way, I have added a map and a live feed so that I can see where you all are coming from when you look at the blog . . . don't worry, no GPS included, We won't be able to locate your position when checking in . . . :)
Hope all is well with my fellow non-phdivas!
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
A New Path on the Journey of Not Becoming a PhDiva: The Final New Beginning
Ok, so it's been a HOT minute since I have posted. I have gone through some ups and downs since then, which means I've been in and out of the dissertation. But, I'M BACK! So, over the past week, I have gone through the chapters I have written and made out lists of all the corrections I need to make. The result, I'm going to send out a final version of Chapter One tonight! Next, I will send out a final version of Chapter Three! This week, I will send out those two chapters and complete writing my draft of Chapter Four. I'm pretty excited about my progress. I AM GOING TO PLUG THROUGH . . . NOW!
One reason I have become re-inspired . . . a friend of mine. So, she and I sat down and I did the therapeutic throw up on her, and she and I came up with a Plan Of Action. Each week, I will work in my town . . . underpaid work during the day AND non-paid school work at night. Every Thursday night, I will drive to her town and spend the night. On Friday, I stay at her house and work all day . . . in a different environment . . . by myself.
I did it last week, and it worked so very nicely . . . I feel very good about this plan. I have gotten so bogged down in my town, and I this past week, I found the trip to my friend's town (only an hour away) such a cool kind of vacation. I figure, whatever works for me is a good thing.
I will do my best to keep updating the blog with my progress.
YAY!
One reason I have become re-inspired . . . a friend of mine. So, she and I sat down and I did the therapeutic throw up on her, and she and I came up with a Plan Of Action. Each week, I will work in my town . . . underpaid work during the day AND non-paid school work at night. Every Thursday night, I will drive to her town and spend the night. On Friday, I stay at her house and work all day . . . in a different environment . . . by myself.
I did it last week, and it worked so very nicely . . . I feel very good about this plan. I have gotten so bogged down in my town, and I this past week, I found the trip to my friend's town (only an hour away) such a cool kind of vacation. I figure, whatever works for me is a good thing.
I will do my best to keep updating the blog with my progress.
YAY!
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